I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize