u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
