Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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