I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
