I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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