I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Even my vagina gasped.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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