I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
