roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
