Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
