i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
