I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
