I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
