Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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