It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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