I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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