she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
