11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
