Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
