idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
