Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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