First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
