If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
the liver wants what the liver wants
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize