And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
