you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
