I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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