in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
