I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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