he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
