too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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