And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
