Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
