I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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