I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize