Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just had sex bonerless
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My ass is underappreciated
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
