My hand turned me down
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
