I think im going to throw up on grandma
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
