loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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