can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm getting married
To pizza
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
