I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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