Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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