apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
