I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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