i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
