is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
