friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
