OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize