Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
