I could have mohawked her pubes.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
