So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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