The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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