she was so not down for the gang bang
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
