We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
