dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
