I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
