He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
