she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
