at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
