Banned from zoo.
Again?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
