Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
