well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
