sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
and you fell through a lawn chair
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize