Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
