Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize