I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
