how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
