I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
