mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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