Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
