it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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