So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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