i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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