My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just want to make out with him forever
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
